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TOEFL症患者与GRE症患者的搞笑比较

TOEFL症患者与GRE症患者的搞笑比较,从没考过TOEFL、GRE的卢瑟们,要笑死啦!

1、你是猪。

正常:You are a pig.

TOEFL症:

You are certainly no more than a pig.

你也不比猪好多少。

GRE症前期:

It would not be unjustifiable to claim that you resemble a pig not only superficially but also intrinsically.

声称你不论表面还是内在都与猪有相似之处,这绝非空穴来风。

GRE症后期:

You are porcine/swinish/hoggish.

豕者,乃之类也。

2、你脑子是不是坏了?

正常:Are you crazy or what?

TOEFL症:

It’s a question whether or not you are crazy.

脑残还是不脑残,这是个问题。

GRE症前期:

Query whether or not the brain of you is still performing its function as normally as one would expect it to be.

我现质疑你的大脑是否如预期般处于正常运行中。

GRE症后期:

Are you asinine/obtuse/vacuous/fatuous/lunatic/frantic/frenetic/paranoid?

汝失心矣!

3、我爱你。

正常:I love you.

TOEFL症患者:

I can’t stop loving you.

我无法停止爱你。

GRE 症前期:

I would wager that no one all over the world could honestly claim that they feel a stronger affinity towards you than I do.

我打赌,这世上无人敢用真心保证,他对你的眷恋会比我对你更深刻。

GRE症后期:

I woo/dote/adore/coddle/cosset/spoil you.

私心慕之。

4、你扯淡!

正常:Bullshit!

TOEFL症患者:

You are talking absolute nonsense.

你说的完全没有意义。

GRE症前期:

What you are talking about rests on myriadsof unsubstantiated assumptions, which render it ridiculous as it stands.

你的言论纯粹是建立在一堆抽象而荒谬的臆想之上。

GRE症后期:

You prate/waffle/babble/prattle/piffle!

甚矣,汝之不惠!

分析总评:

TOEFL患者的典型症状是:一句简单的话一定要绕个弯表达;

GRE前期患者的典型症状是:句子结构复杂化,语言风格华丽化,有政客演讲的风格;

GRE后期患者的典型症状是:回归古典,语句精炼,用词晦涩,高深莫测。



 

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