TOEFL症患者与GRE症患者的搞笑比较,从没考过TOEFL、GRE的卢瑟们,要笑死啦!
1、你是猪。
正常:You are a pig.
TOEFL症:
You are certainly no more than a pig.
你也不比猪好多少。
GRE症前期:
It would not be unjustifiable to claim that you resemble a pig not only superficially but also intrinsically.
声称你不论表面还是内在都与猪有相似之处,这绝非空穴来风。
GRE症后期:
You are porcine/swinish/hoggish.
豕者,乃之类也。
2、你脑子是不是坏了?
正常:Are you crazy or what?
TOEFL症:
It’s a question whether or not you are crazy.
脑残还是不脑残,这是个问题。
GRE症前期:
Query whether or not the brain of you is still performing its function as normally as one would expect it to be.
我现质疑你的大脑是否如预期般处于正常运行中。
GRE症后期:
Are you asinine/obtuse/vacuous/fatuous/lunatic/frantic/frenetic/paranoid?
汝失心矣!
3、我爱你。
正常:I love you.
TOEFL症患者:
I can’t stop loving you.
我无法停止爱你。
GRE 症前期:
I would wager that no one all over the world could honestly claim that they feel a stronger affinity towards you than I do.
我打赌,这世上无人敢用真心保证,他对你的眷恋会比我对你更深刻。
GRE症后期:
I woo/dote/adore/coddle/cosset/spoil you.
私心慕之。
4、你扯淡!
正常:Bullshit!
TOEFL症患者:
You are talking absolute nonsense.
你说的完全没有意义。
GRE症前期:
What you are talking about rests on myriadsof unsubstantiated assumptions, which render it ridiculous as it stands.
你的言论纯粹是建立在一堆抽象而荒谬的臆想之上。
GRE症后期:
You prate/waffle/babble/prattle/piffle!
甚矣,汝之不惠!
分析总评:
TOEFL患者的典型症状是:一句简单的话一定要绕个弯表达;
GRE前期患者的典型症状是:句子结构复杂化,语言风格华丽化,有政客演讲的风格;
GRE后期患者的典型症状是:回归古典,语句精炼,用词晦涩,高深莫测。
娃哈哈!