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只为认真做自己

阿西莫夫短篇小说:绿斑

He focused on the other parts of the ship, marveling at the diversity of life. Each item, no matter how small, was sufficient to itself. He forced himself to contemplate this, until the unpleasantness of the thought grated on him and he longed for the normality of home.

他专注于飞船的其他部分,惊叹于生命的多样。每个个体,无论多小,都满足于一己的存在。他强迫自己审视这种感觉,直到这种不悦的感受啃啮着他的心,让他渴望在家时的正常生活。

Most of the thoughts he received from the smaller fragments were vague and fleeting, as you would expect. There wasn’t much to be had from them, but that meant their need for completeness was all the greater. It was that which touched him so keenly.

不出所料,来自那些较小的碎片的思绪大多模糊不清并且转瞬即逝。从他们身上得不到多少东西,但深深触动他的是这正表明他们对完整的需求最为强烈。

There was the life fragment which squatted on its haunches and fingered the wire netting that enclosed it. Its thoughts were clear, but limited. Chiefly, they concerned the yellow fruit a companion fragment was eating. It wanted the fruit very deeply. Only the wire netting that separated the fragments prevented its seizing the fruit by force.

有一个碎片生命体用后腿蹲着,拨拉着把它关住的铁丝网。它的思维很清晰,但十分有限:主要是关注在一个同伴正在吃的那个黄色水果上。它非常想要那个果子,如果不是这个铁丝网的存在把这些碎片隔离开,它便会去把它夺过来。

He disengaged reception in a moment of complete revulsion. These fragments competed for food!

他感到一阵极度厌恶,将感知中止了。这些碎片们居然争抢食物!

He tried to reach far outward for the peace and harmony of home, but it was already an immense distance away. He could reach only into the nothingness that separated him from sanity.

他试图将知觉伸到远方去寻找自己平静、和谐的家园,但那已经遥不可及了。他只能触到一片虚无,将自己与理智隔开。

He longed at the moment even for the feel of the dead soil between the barrier and the ship. He had crawled over it last night. There had been no life upon it, but it had been the soil of home, and on the other side of the barrier there had still been the comforting feel of the rest of organized life.

此时此刻,他甚至想念能障与飞船之间那片焦土的触感,他昨夜就是从那上面爬过来的。上面没有生命,但那毕竟也是家乡的泥土,而且在能障的这一边仍能感觉到融合生命体的存在,令人心安。

He could remember the moment he had located himself on the surface of the ship, maintaining a desperate suction grip until the air lock opened. He had entered, moving cautiously between the outgoing feet. There had been an inner lock and that had been passed later. Now he lay here, a life fragment himself, inert and unnoticed.

他记得当时他附着到飞船表面,不顾一切地牢牢吸住(佳人微信公众号:jiarenorg),直到气闭舱门打开。他小心穿过往外走的脚,进入飞船内。待会还有一道内舱门要穿过。而现在他也成了一个碎片生命体,一动不动、悄无声息地潜伏在这里。

Cautiously, he engaged reception again at the previous focus. The squatting fragment of life was tugging furiously at the wire netting. It still wanted the other’s food, though it was the less hungry of the two.

小心翼翼地,他再次向先前的方向伸展知觉。那个蹲着的碎片生命体正狂暴地拉扯着铁丝网。它仍旧垂涎着对方的食物,尽管二者之中它并不是最饿的那一个。

Larsen said, “Don’t feed the damn thing. She isn’t hungry; she’s just sore because Tillie had the nerve to eat before she herself was crammed full. The greedy ape! I wish we were back home and I never had to look another animal in the face again.”

拉森说道:“不要喂那个家伙。她不饿。她自己没被撑死的时候看见蒂莉在她面前吃东西就会眼红。这只贪婪的猩猩!我希望我们已经回家,再也不用对着任何动物了!”

He scowled at the older female chimpanzee frowningly and the chimp mouthed and chattered back to him in full reciprocation.

他朝着那只大一点的雌猩猩皱眉头,猩猩报以呶嘴和饶舌。

Rizzo said, “Okay, okay. Why hang around here, then? Feeding time is over. Let’s get out.”

里佐说:“行了,行了,还待在这儿干嘛呢?喂食时间结束了,走吧。”

They went past the goat pens, the rabbit hutches, the hamster cages.

他们从羊圈、兔笼和鼠笼旁走过。

Larsen said bitterly, “You volunteer for an exploration voyage. You’re a hero. They send you off with speeches-and make a zoo keeper out of you.”

拉森恨恨道:“你志愿参加探险,你是个英雄。他们作演讲,把你送上天,然后你就成了动物饲养员。”

“They give you double pay.”

“他们付你双倍工资啊。”

“All right, so what? I didn’t sign up just for the money. They said at the original briefing that it was even odds we wouldn’t come back, that we’d end up like Saybrook. I signed up because I wanted to do something important.”

“那又怎样呢?我又不只是为了钱才报名的。他们在一开始的简介里说有可能我们回不来,说我们可能和塞布鲁克一样的下场。我之所以报名就是为了做这样重要的事。”

“Just a bloomin’ bloody hero,” said Rizzo.

“真是个了不起的大英雄。”里佐说。

“I’m not an animal nurse.”

“反正我不是个动物看护员。”

Rizzo paused to lift a hamster out of the cage and stroke it. “Hey,” he said, “did you ever think that maybe one of these hamsters has some cute little baby hamsters inside, just getting started?”

里佐从笼子里提起一只仓鼠,戳了戳。“嘿,”他说,“你觉不觉得这只仓鼠好像刚刚怀上了可爱的小仓鼠?”

“Wise guy! They’re tested every day.”

“你真聪明!它们每天都要受检查。”

“Sure, sure.” He muzzled the little creature, which vibrated its nose at him. “But just suppose you came down one morning and found them there. New little hamsters looking up at you with soft, green patches of fur where the eyes ought to be.”

“没错,没错。”他捂住这个小动物(佳人微信公众号:jiarenorg)。它的鼻子朝着他颤动。“但是想象一下有一天早上你下来一看,一堆小仓鼠望着你,该长眼睛的地方长着两块绿色的、软软的毛。”

“Shut up, for the love of Mike,” yelled Larsen.

“看在上帝的份上给我闭嘴!”拉森吼道。

“Little soft, green patches of shining fur,” said Rizzo, and put the hamster down with a sudden loathing sensation.

“软软的绿绿的亮闪闪的毛。”里佐忽然感到一阵恶心,把仓鼠放了下去。

He engaged reception again and varied the focus. There wasn’t a specialized life fragment at home that didn’t have a rough counterpart on shipboard.

他再次开始感知四周,但换了个方向。故星上的每一种特化的生命形式,在这艘船上都能找到与之多少对应的东西。

There were the moving runners in various shapes, the moving swimmers, and the moving fliers. Some of the fliers were quite large, with perceptible thoughts; others were small, gauzy-winged creatures. These last transmitted only patterns of sense perception, imperfect patterns at that, and added nothing intelligent of their own.

有的在跑动,形态各异;有的在游动;有的在飞。飞着的那些有的相当大,拥有明显的思维;有的很小,翅膀有如薄纱。后者只有一些模式化的知觉,而且是很不完善的模式,没有任何个体的智能可言。

There were the non-movers, which, like the non-movers at home, were green and lived on the air, water, and soil. These were a mental blank. They knew only the dim, dim consciousness of light, moisture, and gravity.

还有一些静止不动,它们和故星上那些不动的生命体一样是绿色的,并生长在空气、水与土壤中。它们的精神领域完全是空白,只对光、水分以及重力有一些十分微弱的感知。

And each fragment, moving and non-moving, had its mockery of life.

每个碎片,能动的或不能动的,都有着拙劣的生命。

Not yet. Not yet. . . .

现在还不行,还不行……

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