受到赞扬的我们感觉更好，起码短时间内是这样的。但是总是渴求他人的赞扬却只能适得其反。有些人已经学会不再执着他人的赞扬，并从中找到了放下执着的价值所在。免费关注微信公众号 jiarenorg ，就能天天收到佳人精彩文章了，还有机会和主编小陌一对一私聊喔，咱们微信里见！
作者/Vanessa-Jane Chapman
译者/RK翔
Basically, from the time of our birth we are constantly sent the message that what others think of us matters. It isn’t long before we realize how we behave, how we look, what we say, and the choices we make can draw the approval or disapproval of others. In society, certain behaviors are obviously needed in order to show respect and consideration for others. However, the problem occurs when we require others to approve of us in order to validate how we feel about ourselves.
从婴孩时期，我们就不断潜移默化的受到“他人对我们的态度是重要的”这一概念。也几乎那时起，我们意识到我们的行为方式，说话态度，做事方式会受到其他人的赞扬或者批评。社会上，为了对他人表示尊重和招呼，有些行为是需要考虑对方回应的。但是当我们执着用他人的赞扬来自我认可的话，问题就随之应运而生。
According to research reported in Time magazine, the part of the brain associated with reward is activated when we receive approval, more so in some people than others. Therefore, receiving approval can make us feel better, at least temporarily. However, a constant obsession with seeking it certainly does not. Some people have learned to stop seeking approval and found that this brings its own rewards.
根据《时代周刊》的报道，当我们受到赞扬，跟奖励有关的那部分大脑就会被激活，反应的强烈程度应人而异。总体而言，受到赞扬的我们感觉更好，起码短时间内是这样的。但是总是渴求他人的赞扬却只能适得其反。有些人已经学会不再执着他人的赞扬，并从中找到了放下执着的价值所在。
1、They know that it isn’t someone else’s responsibility to make them happy
知道别人并没有义务让自己快乐
By constantly seeking approval from others, you are effectively handing over the responsibility for controlling your happiness to them. It’s not their job. Take it back.
当寻求他人赞扬时，你其实是将自己快乐的主动权硬塞给了他人，然而这不是他人的责任和义务，所以（把快乐的主动权）掌握在自己手里。
2、They love the freedom they feel when they stop worrying
当不再担心时，那种自由让人着迷
Getting rid of that need for approval is very freeing. You no longer have those imaginary boundaries around you dictating how you should live your life.
摆脱对赞扬的渴求让人如释重负。你因此不再受到那些臆想的条条框框来约束你的生活。
3、They’ve discovered that trying to seek approval from others takes time and energy
发现寻求赞扬是件费时费力的事情
Thinking about what everyone else’s opinion might be of you, and working out how you might best receive favorable responses from them is draining. Consider how much more time and energy you would have if you only worried about pleasing yourself.
考虑所有人对你的看法并试图找到对自己最有利的方式会让人心力交瘁。反思一下你取悦自己方面投入了多少时间和精力。
4、They refuse to keep setting themselves up for disappointment
拒绝屡“猜”屡败
Aiming to get approval from others takes a certain amount of guesswork. You can’t know for sure what others will think, you can only speculate. This means you can often get it wrong and end up disappointed by their reaction.
志在获得他人的赞扬需要很多猜测推导。你永远无法知道其他人是怎么想的，你能做的只有猜测。这就导致你的猜测经常出错，而他人的回应不如预期。
5、They understand that everyone will view them differently
明白大家看人的角度各异
When we talk about others, we are referring to a whole range of people with differing likes, dislikes, and opinions. Everything we do could be viewed in contrasting ways by different people. We can’t possibly please them all.
当说到其他人，我们是指一群有着不同喜好，不同观点的个体的集合。我们做的任何事情都可能被不同人理解成完全对立的角度。我们无法取悦所有人。
6、They know that everyone else is too busy seeking their own approval to notice
明白其他人也在寻求他人赞扬的路上浑浑噩噩不自知
Seeking approval from others is widespread, so while you’re worrying about how you will be judged by people, those people are busy worrying about how they will be judged too and may not even notice your efforts.
寻求他人赞扬其实是普遍现象，所以当你在担心别人怎么看你时，其他人也在担心同样的问题，所以可能都没有注意到你。
7、They realize they deserve to focus on their own needs
明白应该更关注自身的需求
Who are these other people that think they know how you should run your life better than you do? They don’t exist. Only you know what you really want and need. You deserve to receive your focus and attention in meeting those.
有谁比你更清楚怎样的人生才算美好呢？没有这样的人。只有你知道你真正想要和需要的。你的自身需求值得你百分百的投入和关心。
8、Their anxiety decreases
焦虑的减少
According to the Social Anxiety Institute, around 7% of the US population are suffering from Social Anxiety at any one time. One of the key aspects of this is a fear of being judged negatively. If you find your anxiety about what others think of you feels out of control, there’s a chance you could be suffering from Social Anxiety and might need to seek help. However, even those of us without the condition can experience symptoms of anxiety if we’re continually worrying about how to gain the approval of others.
根据“社会焦虑研究所”的数据，美国7%的人口时时刻刻受到焦虑的困扰。其中一类是担心自己受到负面的评价。如果发现你深陷他人评价的焦虑泥塘中不能自拔，那你有可能得了社会焦虑症，需要寻求专业人员的帮助。但是如果继续执着于他人的赞扬的话，就算没有（社会焦虑症）的人也有可能出现上诉相似的症状。
9、They grow in confidence
自信的增长
A big part of confidence is being comfortable with yourself. It’s pretty hard to feel comfortable with yourself if you let the opinions of others define you.
自信的一大部分来自于承认你就是你自己。如果你让他人的意见左右你，你是很难建立起自信的。
10、They’ve discovered that the less they worry about seeking approval the more likely they are to get it
越不去寻求赞扬，赞扬越会找上你
It is somewhat ironic, but when you stop seeking approval, you are more likely to receive it. Being confident and comfortable with yourself is an attractive quality. By becoming self-assured, rather than self-obsessed, you will more likely gain the approval that you no longer crave.
具有讽刺意义的是，当你停止寻求赞扬的时候，你更有可能获得赞扬。自信和自足是优秀的品质。当你自我肯定而不是自我陶醉的时候，你更有可能获得那份不在执着追求的赞扬。（来源）